A Private View

On a cold dark early February night, there was a warm glow eminating from the Bowling Club in our village.

It was here I had decided to hold my first private screening for a film I’d made, and what a night it was! It felt like a real coming together of the community, and if truth be told, I’m still feeling the glow from the evening too and it’s a few weeks on. It’s given me time to reflect on it and allow myself to feel just a little bit proud of bringing it all together (and I struggle with that feeling!)

There was a film, a local legend, a tremendous cake and mouth watering pies. Come through the Bowling Club door and I’ll tell you all about it…..

But first, I’ll just give you a bit of background about the inspiration behind the film Pegs & Bacon. 84-year-old shopkeeper May (above), has been running her beloved farm shop for over half a century. She provides more than just essentials, she offers warmth, connection, and a lifeline to the community around her. I called it Pegs & Bacon as a nod to the eclectic mix of goods she sells under that one roof.

I’d been thinking about making a film about her for quite a while, and then circumstances started leading me into her oasis up that single track road on a more regular basis. When my Mum died suddenly in November 2024, I found comfort in walking. Walking through the trees, onto the moors, by rivers and around reservoirs. These walks always seemed to lead me to May’s. It was the lure of a warm cuppa, a bag of delicious chocolate covered peanuts, but if truth be told, it was mainly for the warm welcome.

On one of my walks, I popped in and asked May if she’d be up for me making a film about her. We chatted by the gas fire in the shop and May said she’d have a think. We kept talking, and one day early last year, sat in May’s kitchen by the Aga, she gave me one of those smiles and said ‘let’s do it!’. And so we started to plan it out.

When I first started to think about the film, I imagined a couple of days filming. I’m very grateful to May for putting up with me for a little while longer, because those 2 days extended into 3 seasons!

It all started last April when me and my friend Ben (who was helping with sound on the day), went up to May’s and recorded an interview with her and her 2 friends Yvonne and Judith. I’m so grateful to these 2, as they really help the story to develop in the film, and their words echo what we all feel about May and really let us into what a lifeline her shop is to many local residents.

Yvonne

Judith, Yvonne & May

With the interviews in place I knew the shots and clips I then needed to film, and so I got to it over the next few months. I won’t go too far into it here, as I’d love to show you the film sometime, but it has been an amazing experience, and I’ve learnt so much over this past year.

I showed it as a private screening as I’d dearly love to enter Pegs & Bacon into a few film festivals this year, and a few like that exclusivity and not for it to have been screened publicly before. But I wanted to celebrate the end of filming, but more importantly, to celebrate May. And so the local community gathered, and gosh did they gather! We lost count at 100 as that’s how many chairs we’d laid out, and there were quite a few folk standing.

This beautiful cake made by our friend Amy, who also took photos on the night, greeted people as they walked in. It features the sign that is down May’s lane. Thanks also to Hannah who laser cut the film logo (designed by Chris Sands).

I did a little speech just to thank everyone for coming and then we got on with the show. In the spirit of many events that have gone before, there was a slight technical hitch (I was the technical hitch!), and thankfully after a beat, the film started playing. When I heard the first audience reaction, I finally relaxed.

My friend John was an utter star on the night with the tech and sound side of things, and I couldn’t have done it without him. I love this photo of John me and May perched on the screen box on the stage.

I always knew that people hold May and her shop in very high regard, and through making the film, I’ve realised what an essential part of the community she and the shop are. As someone describes in the film, May is the backbone of our part of the valley. She has created a haven for locals and walkers alike, and I’m so happy I got to make this film with her.

I invited people to make comments in a book about the film and anecdotes about May and her shop. I’ll leave you with this one..

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“Rejoice in our unsung hero. Elegantly filmed with power, heart and soul. We loved it. Time to contemplate our place in this world.”

— Julie & Chris

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I’ll keep you posted to where you’ll be able to see the film in (hopefully) the not too distant future!

What Holds Us Back?

I’m at the start of a new film project.

There have been no clips taken yet, I’m really right at the start, the development phase.

And last week, it started feeling bigger than me.

And that’s where I spiralled.

This is new territory for me. This project feels very precious and I’d love to get it out there. But the questioning internal voices started to really chip away at my confidence.

I spoke to my filmmaking mentor Amanda Bluglass last week, and she encouraged me to write down the stuff that’s holding me back. Get it all out, put them in a box, and then get back to why I want to make this in the first place, and to tell the story.

It helped. And I wanted to get them out here as it my in some way help you too. We are not alone in these thoughts!

So what are the things that hold us back? Let’s start with a big dose of imposter syndrome…

People think I’m more competent than I am, I’m going to get found out

My past successes have been down to luck

I haven’t got the best equipment, and my skills aren’t up to scratch

I can’t do this by myself, I need to build a team. How do I build a team?

I’ll wait until the time is right (and when will that be?!)

I haven’t got enough experience

Over the past few weeks, I have been through all of the above a number of times. If I waited for everything to align, I would never start. So I’m going on amber because I don’t think it will ever be green!

The gap may feel wide at the start, but it will get smaller.

I’m also trying to treat my imposter with kindness. To think about some of my past achievements, and to write them down. I wouldn’t speak to a friend like I speak to myself, I’d celebrate their successes!

I need to remember that some films have been made on mobile phones. So always to bring it back to the story. Emotional depth over equipment any day.

*Disclaimer here - I am just about to upgrade my camera, but I have taken my other one to the limits!!

I think in general that we all can place too much emphasis pondering on what other people will think of our work and that we place too many outcomes on a finished piece/project.

And that we need to take results out of the equation, and dig into the process. I think this deserves its own stand alone blog post, so I’m going to be writing about this over the next few weeks.

I’m going to document the making of this film in my newsletter which you can join here if you’d like to follow along.

If I keep bringing it back to what is at the heart of this film, and I can tell it with empathy with that sense of hope and resilience, that’s enough.

See you here again soon. Thanks for reading.

Half The Story

I don’t think I’ll ever not get excited when an email pops up from the lab to say my scans are ready. When I started shooting film again a few years ago, there’s sometimes that little added element of surprise with the first of the roll shot. The ones that are not shown in their entirety. The ones where I’ve taken the first test shot when the film wasn’t fully wound to its correct beginning position. What makes up the other section? Those colours that seep onto the image, the embers that burn onto the emulsion. Tiny fires that swallow a little part of the story.

I thought I’d share a few from the last couple of years.

And very occasionally, there’s a little surprise at the end too.