I’m at the start of a new film project.
There have been no clips taken yet, I’m really right at the start, the development phase.
And last week, it started feeling bigger than me.
And that’s where I spiralled.
This is new territory for me. This project feels very precious and I’d love to get it out there. But the questioning internal voices started to really chip away at my confidence.
I spoke to my filmmaking mentor Amanda Bluglass last week, and she encouraged me to write down the stuff that’s holding me back. Get it all out, put them in a box, and then get back to why I want to make this in the first place, and to tell the story.
It helped. And I wanted to get them out here as it my in some way help you too. We are not alone in these thoughts!
So what are the things that hold us back? Let’s start with a big dose of imposter syndrome…
People think I’m more competent than I am, I’m going to get found out
My past successes have been down to luck
I haven’t got the best equipment, and my skills aren’t up to scratch
I can’t do this by myself, I need to build a team. How do I build a team?
I’ll wait until the time is right (and when will that be?!)
I haven’t got enough experience
Over the past few weeks, I have been through all of the above a number of times. If I waited for everything to align, I would never start. So I’m going on amber because I don’t think it will ever be green!
The gap may feel wide at the start, but it will get smaller.
I’m also trying to treat my imposter with kindness. To think about some of my past achievements, and to write them down. I wouldn’t speak to a friend like I speak to myself, I’d celebrate their successes!
I need to remember that some films have been made on mobile phones. So always to bring it back to the story. Emotional depth over equipment any day.
*Disclaimer here - I am just about to upgrade my camera, but I have taken my other one to the limits!!
I think in general that we all can place too much emphasis pondering on what other people will think of our work and that we place too many outcomes on a finished piece/project.
And that we need to take results out of the equation, and dig into the process. I think this deserves its own stand alone blog post, so I’m going to be writing about this over the next few weeks.
I’m going to document the making of this film in my newsletter which you can join here if you’d like to follow along.
If I keep bringing it back to what is at the heart of this film, and I can tell it with empathy with that sense of hope and resilience, that’s enough.
See you here again soon. Thanks for reading.